When I ask myself : what do you want to do?
Well...I like to act, and sing, and pretend that I can tell jokes. But I have no need to create. I have no need to tell other people's stories.
And there it was. What I want: To have my own stories.
I want that feeling like "If I don't say this right now I'm going to burst." I want to make mistakes and feel embarrassed and get hurt and grow old and have babies and...and feel something. But mostly I want to feel alive. Like I am shaped by my experiences in a significant way. Like I have earned my happiness.
And then I want to share that happiness the best way I can. Like a love song. or a film, or just maybe an entry in my online journal... But it must happen. I can't be me until it does.
Dec 15, 2010
Dec 14, 2010
Dec 1, 2010
From big town to big city.
In the last 6 days I have:
Moved 1,000 miles.
Made my first home video.
I feel like a an adult and kind of like a wife. It's weird....in a good way. :)
Moved 1,000 miles.
Made my first home video.
I feel like a an adult and kind of like a wife. It's weird....in a good way. :)
Nov 19, 2010
Keep Breathing.
It wasn't hard leaving the office today. But right before I left I remembered I had the keys to the lab. And my ID badge. So I turned around and walked back in to give them to my manager.
I worked myself to the bone for those keys. To make it through all the changes. To get to now.
And as I walked into the lab with a straight face and a mission I began to feel the reality. My face got numb and I didn't want to say the words "here are my keys. and my badge." So I gently handed each one to my manager without a word. And I made the mistake of looking into her eyes. And as mine started to fill up with tears too, I knew it was really over.
I'm leaving.
I worked myself to the bone for those keys. To make it through all the changes. To get to now.
And as I walked into the lab with a straight face and a mission I began to feel the reality. My face got numb and I didn't want to say the words "here are my keys. and my badge." So I gently handed each one to my manager without a word. And I made the mistake of looking into her eyes. And as mine started to fill up with tears too, I knew it was really over.
I'm leaving.
Nov 16, 2010
It's all about the climax.
Every good song has that moment when you can just bust out. Scream or jump or dance.
Every scene or movie or story has that moment of truth or exposure.
Everyone's life has some sort of moment in it too. The moment when you know your life is going to change forever. The decisions you make, or the news you hear that moves something in you. Or makes you ask questions you never thought to ask before. Before this. This moment.
New York isn't about New York. It's about my chance to have my moment.
It's coming. Like a climax in a good song.
Every scene or movie or story has that moment of truth or exposure.
Everyone's life has some sort of moment in it too. The moment when you know your life is going to change forever. The decisions you make, or the news you hear that moves something in you. Or makes you ask questions you never thought to ask before. Before this. This moment.
New York isn't about New York. It's about my chance to have my moment.
It's coming. Like a climax in a good song.
Oct 3, 2010
I smell Farmer's Market.
By now I should be immune to missing him.
But my eyes still well up with tears.
I still come home to an empty house.
And I do what every other woman would do in my situation.
Clean the apartment. Light a candle. And wait.
But my eyes still well up with tears.
I still come home to an empty house.
And I do what every other woman would do in my situation.
Clean the apartment. Light a candle. And wait.
Sep 27, 2010
The rules.
I finally remember how to practice.
Slow down. It's more important I be right than fast.
I used to think I was above learning the details because I didn't want to become a slave to them.
But now I see that you have to know the rules to break them. Or rather...to create them.
Slow down. It's more important I be right than fast.
I used to think I was above learning the details because I didn't want to become a slave to them.
But now I see that you have to know the rules to break them. Or rather...to create them.
Sep 19, 2010
Connect the Dots.
Throughout my lifetime I have moved around the world, made dozens of friends, and met some wonderful people who have changed my life. As I'm about to make my biggest move thus far, I want to reintroduce myself.
I'm starting a project today that will force me to get better about staying connected with the people that I care about. People that I all too often say "Oh, I should really call her."
I'm going to break my bad habits of "moving." Because it doesn't always mean "moving on." People's roles will always change in my life but it's up to me to make the best of it.
Starting today, I will call one person every day for a month. Someone who's life I used to know but don't anymore. Relatives, friends, and others who have influenced me over the years. It's going to be hard, but I need to connect the dots in my life.
I'm starting a project today that will force me to get better about staying connected with the people that I care about. People that I all too often say "Oh, I should really call her."
I'm going to break my bad habits of "moving." Because it doesn't always mean "moving on." People's roles will always change in my life but it's up to me to make the best of it.
Starting today, I will call one person every day for a month. Someone who's life I used to know but don't anymore. Relatives, friends, and others who have influenced me over the years. It's going to be hard, but I need to connect the dots in my life.
Why don't they make these anymore?
This couldn't be more perfect. I am practically drooling.
I bet it has something to do with the extinction of the girdle...
Organza.
Silk Charmeuse.
I would like it with either of these fabrics. Beautiful!
Sep 12, 2010
My things.
We had our garage sale this weekend at my parent's house. We sold a lot of things that meant a lot to me. Like my bedroom set. My parents' first bedroom set. My toys. My clothes. And some random stuff that frankly seems like junk.
But when someone holds up a box of your grandmother's old costume jewelry and asks how much? And you say "5 dollars." And she looks at you in disgust and offers you $1. It can drive a person a little mad. A little crazy. A lot of heart break.
"How much for this?" as they hold up a stuffed animal. And you think, "how much for this? This fluffy little animal you remember being on your parent's bed since you were a little girl." And I just stared at it. My stomach sinking at the shock of having to do this. Price? Worth? To who? No one can pay me for half of the stuff we had out in our yard, I thought.
"A dollar," I said.
She tossed it back in the pile.
At the end of the blistering hot day I sat at the back of my driveway in a puddle of my sweat watching these two old men walk away with my bedroom furniture. Before they were gone I remembered something that I just had to have. I ran up to my bed post and slid my hand down the back of the headboard.
"There." I looked around to show someone that I had hid a key to my diary on my bed post from when I was 12 years old. It had remained there for about 12 years on a piece of sticky tack. No one was around to show. So, I thought it was meant to be this way. It was my last few moments with my bed. I was removing the last part of it that was mine. And I said goodbye.
I've always valued my things. Everything that I still have, I want to have. My things never leave me. They have comforted me since I was very small. Reminding me of who I am and where I've been. They remind me of people and events that make me happy. They've made it through all the moves. They are reliable and tangible and mine.
For all of the survivors of this "cleaning." This moving. I congratulate you. I don't value you any less than before. In fact, probably more since your quantity has diminished so. Letting go is never easy, but I know deep inside that it's for the better. New York will bring more happiness. And if I keep my happiness in my things I'm going to need to make room...
But when someone holds up a box of your grandmother's old costume jewelry and asks how much? And you say "5 dollars." And she looks at you in disgust and offers you $1. It can drive a person a little mad. A little crazy. A lot of heart break.
"How much for this?" as they hold up a stuffed animal. And you think, "how much for this? This fluffy little animal you remember being on your parent's bed since you were a little girl." And I just stared at it. My stomach sinking at the shock of having to do this. Price? Worth? To who? No one can pay me for half of the stuff we had out in our yard, I thought.
"A dollar," I said.
She tossed it back in the pile.
At the end of the blistering hot day I sat at the back of my driveway in a puddle of my sweat watching these two old men walk away with my bedroom furniture. Before they were gone I remembered something that I just had to have. I ran up to my bed post and slid my hand down the back of the headboard.
"There." I looked around to show someone that I had hid a key to my diary on my bed post from when I was 12 years old. It had remained there for about 12 years on a piece of sticky tack. No one was around to show. So, I thought it was meant to be this way. It was my last few moments with my bed. I was removing the last part of it that was mine. And I said goodbye.
I've always valued my things. Everything that I still have, I want to have. My things never leave me. They have comforted me since I was very small. Reminding me of who I am and where I've been. They remind me of people and events that make me happy. They've made it through all the moves. They are reliable and tangible and mine.
For all of the survivors of this "cleaning." This moving. I congratulate you. I don't value you any less than before. In fact, probably more since your quantity has diminished so. Letting go is never easy, but I know deep inside that it's for the better. New York will bring more happiness. And if I keep my happiness in my things I'm going to need to make room...
Sep 6, 2010
What is Labor Day?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labor_Day
I will probably work harder today than I will have worked in a long time. So yes, it is a day of Labor for me.
1. After googling "cycling buttock pain" I felt more confident that I could adjust my saddle to the right position. And I took on a cycling class. Now I want to puke but I feel great!
2. Project "Hot Body NYC" begins today which includes proper diet and exercise. So Matt and I need to give up our celebratory eating habits and get down to business. Starting with a Publix trip...
3. Cleaning out our apartment to make room for his new job (he will have to work from home).
4. Fixing up my resume so that I can get a new job! This is so utterly exciting....I get to pick whatever I want to do now. Because New York has EVERYTHING.
I will probably work harder today than I will have worked in a long time. So yes, it is a day of Labor for me.
1. After googling "cycling buttock pain" I felt more confident that I could adjust my saddle to the right position. And I took on a cycling class. Now I want to puke but I feel great!
2. Project "Hot Body NYC" begins today which includes proper diet and exercise. So Matt and I need to give up our celebratory eating habits and get down to business. Starting with a Publix trip...
3. Cleaning out our apartment to make room for his new job (he will have to work from home).
4. Fixing up my resume so that I can get a new job! This is so utterly exciting....I get to pick whatever I want to do now. Because New York has EVERYTHING.
Aug 29, 2010
Things I definitely don't miss about college.
After a recent visit to college I was reminded of several reasons why I'm glad to not be going back this fall.
1. Traffic in Gainesville. Not being able to run back to the apartment before rehearsal because rush hour traffic = 1 hour round trip.
2. Taking buses to campus. Taking buses home from campus. Not being able to park on campus until exactly 4:30? (I don't remember the time).
3. Exams. Studying. Not studying enough. Thinking you're studying enough but not getting the grade you think you deserved.
4. Rain on campus. Being absolutely drenched from your flip flops to your ponytail once you get in a highly air conditioned classroom or bus.
5. Listening to dumb conversations on the bus.
6. Walking up the hill from the psych building to the theater building.
7. All-nighters.
8. Papers. Papers. Papers.
9. Being 1,000 miles away from Matt.
.....
.....
I guess you can imagine that I miss about every single freaking other thing. Friends, taking classes, the library, working on shows all the time, rolls 'n bowls, buying school supplies, being forced to read all the time, themed parties, having an excuse for being undecided, facebook stalking, easy party crashing, being around young people...and deadlines.
Most importantly deadlines. Because now there is no end in sight for anything unless I choose. The hardest part about choosing is the follow-through (obviously). So even though I have all these loose plans - no one is going to pick a deadline for me, for my life, or my goals. It's all on me now.
I'M READY TO MAKE MY MOVE.
1. Traffic in Gainesville. Not being able to run back to the apartment before rehearsal because rush hour traffic = 1 hour round trip.
2. Taking buses to campus. Taking buses home from campus. Not being able to park on campus until exactly 4:30? (I don't remember the time).
3. Exams. Studying. Not studying enough. Thinking you're studying enough but not getting the grade you think you deserved.
4. Rain on campus. Being absolutely drenched from your flip flops to your ponytail once you get in a highly air conditioned classroom or bus.
5. Listening to dumb conversations on the bus.
6. Walking up the hill from the psych building to the theater building.
7. All-nighters.
8. Papers. Papers. Papers.
9. Being 1,000 miles away from Matt.
.....
.....
I guess you can imagine that I miss about every single freaking other thing. Friends, taking classes, the library, working on shows all the time, rolls 'n bowls, buying school supplies, being forced to read all the time, themed parties, having an excuse for being undecided, facebook stalking, easy party crashing, being around young people...and deadlines.
Most importantly deadlines. Because now there is no end in sight for anything unless I choose. The hardest part about choosing is the follow-through (obviously). So even though I have all these loose plans - no one is going to pick a deadline for me, for my life, or my goals. It's all on me now.
I'M READY TO MAKE MY MOVE.
Aug 17, 2010
I flashed through the life of my eyes.
This weekend I watched myself grow up.
There is nothing more sobering than looking at yourself.
All 23 years of yourself. In one weekend.
It didn't make me ponder the physics of time or feel the bittersweet tug of childhood.
Going through all of my things made me see myself. My family. The progression of a person through her first steps to her basketball games to her first kiss to her now at the brink of becoming something great.
But I think looking back I always felt that way. Most moments were bursting with hope and a sense of awesome destiny.
There were moments, however, that I wish I could change. There's a sense of pain in seeing yourself be less than triumphant.
I'm still learning to appreciate the awkwardness of learning to be yourself. I guess it's always happening but somehow you become more graceful? I feel more confident. Hopefully the worst is over.....
If I have to watch my 24th birthday party in 10 years I'll probably still want to rip my head off.
I bet I'll look back on this entry and feel embarrassed someday too.
Sigh.
There is nothing more sobering than looking at yourself.
All 23 years of yourself. In one weekend.
It didn't make me ponder the physics of time or feel the bittersweet tug of childhood.
Going through all of my things made me see myself. My family. The progression of a person through her first steps to her basketball games to her first kiss to her now at the brink of becoming something great.
But I think looking back I always felt that way. Most moments were bursting with hope and a sense of awesome destiny.
There were moments, however, that I wish I could change. There's a sense of pain in seeing yourself be less than triumphant.
I'm still learning to appreciate the awkwardness of learning to be yourself. I guess it's always happening but somehow you become more graceful? I feel more confident. Hopefully the worst is over.....
If I have to watch my 24th birthday party in 10 years I'll probably still want to rip my head off.
I bet I'll look back on this entry and feel embarrassed someday too.
Sigh.
Aug 8, 2010
Venue shopping.
We looked at our first venue today and church-hopped a bit.
It was a cute little historic home on the St. Johns River. Quaint. Southern.
I think we might want more of a party atmosphere though. I felt like the little house would be cute if my dress was more casual.
I want to step it up. Unfortunately I feel like a hotel would be the best place for a worry-free wedding party so that no one has to think about traveling etc. But ughhhh I can't help wanting something really special and not a hotel.
Plus all the hotels I would like to choose are definitely out of my price range.....
Holiday Inn here we come!
It was a cute little historic home on the St. Johns River. Quaint. Southern.
I think we might want more of a party atmosphere though. I felt like the little house would be cute if my dress was more casual.
I want to step it up. Unfortunately I feel like a hotel would be the best place for a worry-free wedding party so that no one has to think about traveling etc. But ughhhh I can't help wanting something really special and not a hotel.
Plus all the hotels I would like to choose are definitely out of my price range.....
Holiday Inn here we come!
Aug 5, 2010
Say yes to the mess.
Growing up is so hard.
I don't like messing up.
I don't like spending money.
I don't like fighting.
I don't like doing the right thing when no one else will.
I don't like change. But I'm oh so ready to breath new life into my lungs.
Specificity isn't just a lesson in acting. It's a lesson in decision-making. It's a lesson in success.
I don't like messing up.
I don't like spending money.
I don't like fighting.
I don't like doing the right thing when no one else will.
I don't like change. But I'm oh so ready to breath new life into my lungs.
Specificity isn't just a lesson in acting. It's a lesson in decision-making. It's a lesson in success.
Aug 3, 2010
Thank God.
My life is a sitcom.
I should start treating it like one.
GO FOR WHAT I WANT. FEARLESSLY. unashamed.
Learn my lessons.
Lose 15 lbs.
and ALWAYS make an entrance.
I should start treating it like one.
GO FOR WHAT I WANT. FEARLESSLY. unashamed.
Learn my lessons.
Lose 15 lbs.
and ALWAYS make an entrance.
Aug 2, 2010
Reasons why I can't complain about getting a flat tire.
Reason #1: I got off work early today.
My piano lesson wasn't until 6 o'clock so I had that awkward amount of time that's only long enough to stop by Target and buy something special.
Reason #2: I love my partner in crime.
So I decided to buy a present for him. Because he's him.
Reason #3: He knows how to change a spare tire.
So when I realized the air in my tire had excused itself from my journey, I called him. He drove 30 minutes to my car and changed the tire for me.
And I gave him his present.
For being him.
My piano lesson wasn't until 6 o'clock so I had that awkward amount of time that's only long enough to stop by Target and buy something special.
Reason #2: I love my partner in crime.
So I decided to buy a present for him. Because he's him.
Reason #3: He knows how to change a spare tire.
So when I realized the air in my tire had excused itself from my journey, I called him. He drove 30 minutes to my car and changed the tire for me.
And I gave him his present.
For being him.
Jul 31, 2010
While I'm waiting to have my butt handed to me.
I saw a production of my favorite musical last night: Parade.
Aside from my short trip to NYC a month ago I've taken somewhat of a hiatus from theater. I think about it often but I haven't participated. Now to be fair I am working on music a lot more and reading so it's not like I'm a lazy lump.
It was just an interesting time in my life to see a production of a show that I call mine. A show that I fully intend on directing someday and a show that for some mysterious reason I feel very attached to.
Because I kept asking myself: Why?
Why do I care? Why do I, we, people, watch other people act out the same stories over and over. Why do we fight to be part of these stories. I've been prosecuting myself for years to come up with this master thesis on the justification for theater and people who spend their lives and money doing it. It's just the same as athletes playing the same game for 10 years.
The strongest and prevailing answer time and time again:
Because it just feels so fucking good.
Aside from my short trip to NYC a month ago I've taken somewhat of a hiatus from theater. I think about it often but I haven't participated. Now to be fair I am working on music a lot more and reading so it's not like I'm a lazy lump.
It was just an interesting time in my life to see a production of a show that I call mine. A show that I fully intend on directing someday and a show that for some mysterious reason I feel very attached to.
Because I kept asking myself: Why?
Why do I care? Why do I, we, people, watch other people act out the same stories over and over. Why do we fight to be part of these stories. I've been prosecuting myself for years to come up with this master thesis on the justification for theater and people who spend their lives and money doing it. It's just the same as athletes playing the same game for 10 years.
The strongest and prevailing answer time and time again:
Because it just feels so fucking good.
Jul 26, 2010
I've been looking for something like this...
Beautiful branches with lights and all kinds of pretty flowers.
I saw this piece at someone's house over the weekend and I fell in love with it. He said he got it in Mexico so I kind of gave up. BUT (thank you Emmie for the pussy willow suggestion) now I know what kind of plant it is!
Jul 25, 2010
Like Like Like!
I love this flower/branch combination. I've been looking for something like this for a while. It's very simple.These are some pretty fall colors (not just browns!) that I like. It's been hard to describe the hues because it's summer so everything right now is really bright.
http://www.save-on-crafts.com/hurricane.html
Jul 13, 2010
You.
You're dirty.
You smell strongly of urine.
You make me rush without reason.
You force me to look at other people.
You push me.
You're always so freaking busy.
You make me really look at other people.
You give me ideas.
You make me feel like I can do better than what I'm doing.
You make me want to lose weight.
You're smelly.
You're cold.
You're fat.
You make me walk all over the place.
You keep me up at night.
You're hot.
You force me to know where I'm going.
You. Make. Me. Sick.
You have beautiful fall trees.
You're so different aren't you.
You smell strongly of urine.
You make me rush without reason.
You force me to look at other people.
You push me.
You're always so freaking busy.
You make me really look at other people.
You give me ideas.
You make me feel like I can do better than what I'm doing.
You make me want to lose weight.
You're smelly.
You're cold.
You're fat.
You make me walk all over the place.
You keep me up at night.
You're hot.
You force me to know where I'm going.
You. Make. Me. Sick.
You have beautiful fall trees.
You're so different aren't you.
Jun 25, 2010
Mission #1.
I have hereby decided to embrace Jacksonville.
Art is about sharing your unique experience with others and gosh darnit I'm going to do it.
Even if Jacksonville is so mundane it makes me want to claw out my eyes once a week.
I'm going to give it a GREAT big hug.
Kiss it on the cheek and say bittersweet nothings into it's ears.
I'm on a mission to expose it's individuality.
Come on Jacksonville. Strut. Your. Stuff.
Art is about sharing your unique experience with others and gosh darnit I'm going to do it.
Even if Jacksonville is so mundane it makes me want to claw out my eyes once a week.
I'm going to give it a GREAT big hug.
Kiss it on the cheek and say bittersweet nothings into it's ears.
I'm on a mission to expose it's individuality.
Come on Jacksonville. Strut. Your. Stuff.
Jun 24, 2010
The only real Truth.
At work, it's easy to get excited when something abnormal happens.
Unfortunately when you work in the medical field that means that something is bad.
I can't help it when my heart flutters at the sound of a motor-neuron disease.
I can't hide a smile when a patient says they're moving their fingers when they clearly are not.
I'm seeking truth all day long. Is it there?
Sometimes I need a test to see it.
Sometimes I just know.
But either way, I like having the numbers and the pictures to prove it.
Sigh.
If only there was a science for people. For relationships and predicting the future and everything else in life that isn't physical. A truth test.
So when something "abnormal" happens.
When my stomach sinks, or my heart races - I'll know.
Because there would be proof somewhere that I'm allowed to feel that way.
That I'm allowed to fully live that moment to the fullest.
A Bachelor in Psychology won't get you that. I bet a doctorate won't either.
You just have to trust yourself
Unfortunately when you work in the medical field that means that something is bad.
I can't help it when my heart flutters at the sound of a motor-neuron disease.
I can't hide a smile when a patient says they're moving their fingers when they clearly are not.
I'm seeking truth all day long. Is it there?
Sometimes I need a test to see it.
Sometimes I just know.
But either way, I like having the numbers and the pictures to prove it.
Sigh.
If only there was a science for people. For relationships and predicting the future and everything else in life that isn't physical. A truth test.
So when something "abnormal" happens.
When my stomach sinks, or my heart races - I'll know.
Because there would be proof somewhere that I'm allowed to feel that way.
That I'm allowed to fully live that moment to the fullest.
A Bachelor in Psychology won't get you that. I bet a doctorate won't either.
You just have to trust yourself
Jun 13, 2010
Anger + Love = Passion
Thank you Tony's for exposing me to beautiful theater before I ever saw a Broadway play.
Jun 11, 2010
Jun 10, 2010
Thoughts after a bikini wax.
I want to be good with my hands.
Right now my hand-eye coordination is basically non-existent.
I need better balance.
And as I'm thinking about all these things I'm doing wrong. I just take a deep breath and think.
I can change.
I can change my mind.
I can change the way I do something and make it better.
I used to think (and still do quite often) that if I can't do something right then I should just move on. But I'm not going to do that right now. Right now I'm going to stick it out. I'm going to risk feeling pain, making mistakes and looking stupid. I'm going to push myself.
As cliche as this sounds: I need to take the good with the bad.
I need some adventure.
Thank God bikini waxes only last 15 minutes.
Jun 9, 2010
P.P. S. My personal trainer kicked my ass again.
I've been living my life in black and white.
The major fault of science. I want more art.
Bring in the gray. Nay - Bring in the color.
The major fault of science. I want more art.
Bring in the gray. Nay - Bring in the color.
Jun 8, 2010
P.S. My personal trainer kicked my ass tonight.
Caveat to my previous post: Energy for others does not include energy for listening to others.
That, I do not have. It has been made increasingly clear that I'm rarely fully engaged in a conversation. Even when it's about me.
Get to the point. What do I need to know? Words have never been my strong suit.
Strangely enough, I've been considered a "good listener" my whole life. It's probably more for the reason that I just don't have that much to say.
I'm bad at sharing.
That, I do not have. It has been made increasingly clear that I'm rarely fully engaged in a conversation. Even when it's about me.
Get to the point. What do I need to know? Words have never been my strong suit.
Strangely enough, I've been considered a "good listener" my whole life. It's probably more for the reason that I just don't have that much to say.
I'm bad at sharing.
Jun 6, 2010
Maybe I never learned how to have fun.
The first weekend in a long time I'm relaxed.
Last week was a marathon of work. When I wasn't at work I was sleeping.
I don't know what happened over the last few days (maybe the sleep I got) but I feel alive. I feel like I have the energy for other people. A break from work does wonders.
I'm ready to start creating again.
Last week was a marathon of work. When I wasn't at work I was sleeping.
I don't know what happened over the last few days (maybe the sleep I got) but I feel alive. I feel like I have the energy for other people. A break from work does wonders.
I'm ready to start creating again.
Jun 1, 2010
No, I don't work here.
More wine, please.
Okay, now you can ask me about my day.
Despite my anxiously driven motivation to keep busy and my demand for immediate gratification, I'm actually taking charge of my life.
Getting my body in shape, my fingers on the keys, and my head way way up in the clouds.
No one gets Jingle bells with two hands right on the first try.
Okay, now you can ask me about my day.
Despite my anxiously driven motivation to keep busy and my demand for immediate gratification, I'm actually taking charge of my life.
Getting my body in shape, my fingers on the keys, and my head way way up in the clouds.
No one gets Jingle bells with two hands right on the first try.
May 31, 2010
Respectfully yours.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "Freedom isn't free."
It's right.
Thank you. Not just to soldiers or government people. But to everyone who has supported those people and helped them help us. I'm sorry for taking it for granted.
It's right.
Thank you. Not just to soldiers or government people. But to everyone who has supported those people and helped them help us. I'm sorry for taking it for granted.
May 29, 2010
Day 1.
1. It's just a dress. I'll get married whether I have the perfect dress or not.
2. The day is not about me. It's our day. I would never want any of this if it wasn't with him.
3. I am getting married. It's so real. Faced with the first decision about getting married (after deciding to get married) I feel grounded and relieved. It's going to happen.
3. I am getting married. It's so real. Faced with the first decision about getting married (after deciding to get married) I feel grounded and relieved. It's going to happen.
May 28, 2010
Kate Winslet - What If - Official Music Video
I find it very amusing that I never saw this before considering I've had a Kate Winslet obsession since I was 13 years old.
"Who are you?"
If you asked me a week ago I would have started with “I’m a 23 year old female. Just right out of college. Engaged to my long time boyfriend and right now I’m working as a diagnostic testing technician at a Neurologist's Office in Jacksonville, FL.”
I’ve decided to change my approach about myself.
I am Kady. I am starting simple. I am starting over.
I forgot that people can change. That I can change.
Everyday I try to be a good person. But what I should be doing is trying to be a better person. I want more in my life than what I'm getting... so I need to give more.
More love, more energy, more life. MAKE AN EFFORT.
And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.
Maybe the Beatles are starting to grow on me.
What am I so afraid of?
Everyday I try to be a good person. But what I should be doing is trying to be a better person. I want more in my life than what I'm getting... so I need to give more.
More love, more energy, more life. MAKE AN EFFORT.
And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.
Maybe the Beatles are starting to grow on me.
What am I so afraid of?
May 24, 2010
May 23, 2010
Me.
I hardly think about myself. My attributes, my personality. What I like, what I don't like. I rarely share that with others. I shape my world around convenience, trying to be the most efficient and time saving person. Trying to be what I think I should be. Avoiding emotions and doubt and dishonesty. Trying to be logical and sensible and not just a girl. I want to be a woman. A strong woman with intellect, power, and a wonderful life. But Most of all: pride. I want to be proud of what I do.
The strangest part about all of this is that I feel like it changes too frequently to put it into absolutes. So everything I just said will change tomorrow. With one touch of my fiancee's hand I will forget everything else and melt into him. I will look at a baby and feel this passion for making one of my own. I will hear music so graceful and bittersweet that I will want to quit my job and just wright all day and night. One phone call from my dad will make me never want to leave here. There are endless possibilities to what you can be and who you can be. It's not your past that defines you or what you want to do. What defines you is what makes you happy even as contradictory as that can be. The paradox is you.
The strangest part about all of this is that I feel like it changes too frequently to put it into absolutes. So everything I just said will change tomorrow. With one touch of my fiancee's hand I will forget everything else and melt into him. I will look at a baby and feel this passion for making one of my own. I will hear music so graceful and bittersweet that I will want to quit my job and just wright all day and night. One phone call from my dad will make me never want to leave here. There are endless possibilities to what you can be and who you can be. It's not your past that defines you or what you want to do. What defines you is what makes you happy even as contradictory as that can be. The paradox is you.
Feb 11, 2010
Jacksonville disappointed me. I can't believe we were in the front of the crowd of the Black Eyed Peas Concert and no one else knew the words to the songs from their albums. Ummm.....why are you there? And if you don't REALLY like them let ME in the front row because I want to dance with Fergie OK? Don't just stand there and look content. Dance! Reach out! Get them to look at our side. Overall I would give the crowd a "D" at that concert. Shame on you Jacksonville.
Jan 2, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)